Sex and celibacy guide for today’s Christian
Celibacy
wasn’t for him; it was for you.
Celibacy
wasn’t for her; it was for you.
There
are so many relationships and partners you’ve had that shouldn’t have crossed
hello and hi. But sex isn’t letting you be great. I understand.
But
come out of hiding, celibacy is not by your might. It is not by your power. Rest
in this.
It
is not by “ok Jesus I’ve been celibate for 1year, I got this.”
Lol,
the devil will start beating drum dear, that’s pride setting in. You’re about
to break that one year vibe. The Bible didn’t stutter when it said FLEE!
2
Timothy 2:22 (NKJV) Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue
righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure
heart.
It
didn’t say check it you can manage! It didn’t say stay and test yourself! It said FLEE!
To
flee means to pick your shoes, put them on your head and run for your life. To
expand, even if your shoes falls off you head as you run, don’t stop to pick
it. Just run as fast as you can.
Because
you see the flesh, it is dangerous! It wants what it wants and will get it
whenever it gets a chance.
I’ve
been celibate 4 years, have I tripped along the line? Yes. But there is no
condemnation.
Romans 8:1 (NIV) There is therefore now no condemnation to
those who are in Christ Jesus, who[a] do not walk according to the flesh, but
according to the Spirit.
Did
I remain there feeling bad for almost making a full mistake? Nope.
How
am I doing this thing? It is by God’s grace.
Here
are practical tips to avoid pre-marital sex:
Identify your triggers and cut it out.
I am very intentional about protecting my space and the sanctity of my social media timeline.
I am absolutely not interested in seeing nonsense like pornography, nudity and
other lust generating content. For example, if I’m watching a movie that has a
sex scene, I pick up my phone and look away or I leave the room completely.
People
make comments such as “Selema are you a child” but I am not
afraid to not be moved by the comments. Do you know why? I have identified my
triggers.
All
it takes is one scene in a move to be stored in my mind, then I begin to
recollect the images in flashes when I’m home. The mind decided to unpack it
and before you know it you are deep in things you shouldn’t be involved in.
I
repeat myself, know your triggers!
Soak in Jesus and His word
You
can soak in Christ through listening to sermons, worship music, bible study
etc. Just take away time to soak in the person of Christ.
When
I first started I’ll be in church and a good looking man will walk by. His
innocent walk was capitalized by the devil to make me notice perfectly fitted
shirt on his nice body. Before I know it, my mind spirals but I stop my mind and
say “Not today Satan, not today! I take this opportunity to practice what is
said in one of my favourite verses:
2 Corinthians 10:5 (NKJV) casting down
arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God,
bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,
The
book of 2 Corinthians 10 has saved my mind in so many ways. Please, read the
full chapter if you’re struggling. You can also read Bibi’s blog on How to stop
negative thoughts.
Learn your triggers and cut it off!
Say
no to explicit sexual songs! When I have a husband we will make a playlist and
use it as we carry out the other type of worship lol. You have to be
intentional about guarding your mind. It is completely powerful. You must also understand
this celibacy is not by your might. But you will do the work you need to.
If
you slip and fall, it’s ok! Stand up and keep going. Jesus is not angry you’re
already forgiven. Celibacy was not to make you sad. He is protecting you from
people undeserving of you in that manner.
Sex
is good and great, God created it! But Marriage is the container where
sex finds its full and complete expression. It’s much more than body fluids
mixing together.
Sex, sensuality and all
wonderful stuff have a container to be shared with one's spouse. So
you don’t go and attach your life where you shouldn’t because of great sex.
Exist
in more honest, open and wholesome friendships.
Find people
you can be honest with.
If you can say "Guy
I’m horny today oh. To Jesus be my glory." to your friends and talk it out, that's beautiful. Stop
existing in interactions with self-righteous people that
when you mention I’m horny they’ll say "ha! Go
and pray! Open
the word it’ll go". When
deep down you know that your strong sexual desire is persistent, these words won't help! To satisfy their requests to pray it away, you shy away and tell them you will pray and read the word to quench the sexual desire. But you know deep down that it doesn't help. You maybe feel alone and end up engaging in sexual relations. You may even lie to your friends that the advice to pray and fast worked.
All of these can be avoided if you exist in better interactions. Fiends that talk to you in your vulnerability. Friends that you can be open about when you make a mistake. Friends that will correct you in love and wash you. Friends that will not judge you or be self-righteous.
Exist
in better interactions, support
systems are key!
An open,
honest community! Have
them and most importantly be them.
Some sex-related statements debunked!
"Because he/she understands my body"
Sex is learnt, being great at sex comes from practice. It does not come with your body guidance manual! God gave you boundaries to protect you not Himself. He put it there because He loves you not to punish you.
If I tell you how many trash relationships I’ve avoided because I’m celibate? Let's just give thanks to God.
“I’m dating him/her so I can bring her to the gospel”
Jesus said to win souls, yes! He didn’t ask you to date, anybody, to win their soul. Do you want to win someone’s soul? Win it without getting into a relationship with them.
But “I’m dating him/her so I can bring her to the gospel” is a nonsense blatant lie. Stop it!
Selah.
My name is Selema Enang and I am a 25-year-old personal trainer, nutritionist and author living in the city of Abuja, Nigeria.
I love talking and teaching about Jesus, Fitness, healthy relationships, community and love. I’m passionate about having relatable and practical conversations that cause light to shine on the sometimes dark areas of living as a Saved Christian and bring healing as these conversations are heard.
Connect with me on Twitter - https://twitter.com/selemaenang
Awwwww awesome piece.
ReplyDeleteThank you enang