Sex and celibacy guide for today’s Christian
by Selema Enang
Celibacy wasn’t for him; it was for you.
Celibacy wasn’t for her; it was for you.
There are so many relationships and partners you’ve had that shouldn’t have crossed hello and hi. But sex isn’t letting you be great. I understand.
But come out of hiding, celibacy is not by your might. It is not by your power. Rest in this.
It is not by “ok Jesus I’ve been celibate for 1year, I got this.”
Lol, the devil will start beating drum dear, that’s pride setting in. You’re about to break that one year vibe. The Bible didn’t stutter when it said FLEE!
2 Timothy 2:22 (NKJV) Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
It didn’t say check it you can manage! It didn’t say stay and test yourself! It said FLEE!
To flee means to pick your shoes, put them on your head and run for your life. To expand, even if your shoes falls off you head as you run, don’t stop to pick it. Just run as fast as you can.
Because you see the flesh, it is dangerous! It wants what it wants and will get it whenever it gets a chance.
I’ve been celibate 4 years, have I tripped along the line? Yes. But there is no condemnation.
Romans 8:1 (NIV) There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who[a] do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.
Did I remain there feeling bad for almost making a full mistake? Nope.
How am I doing this thing? It is by God’s grace.
are practical tips to avoid pre-marital sex:
Identify your triggers and cut it out.
I am very intentional about protecting my space and the sanctity of my social media timeline. I am absolutely not interested in seeing nonsense like pornography, nudity and other lust generating content. For example, if I’m watching a movie that has a sex scene, I pick up my phone and look away or I leave the room completely.
People make comments such as “Selema are you a child” but I am not afraid to not be moved by the comments. Do you know why? I have identified my triggers.
All it takes is one scene in a move to be stored in my mind, then I begin to recollect the images in flashes when I’m home. The mind decided to unpack it and before you know it you are deep in things you shouldn’t be involved in.
I repeat myself, know your triggers!
Soak in Jesus and His word
You can soak in Christ through listening to sermons, worship music, bible study etc. Just take away time to soak in the person of Christ.
When I first started I’ll be in church and a good looking man will walk by. His innocent walk was capitalized by the devil to make me notice perfectly fitted shirt on his nice body. Before I know it, my mind spirals but I stop my mind and say “Not today Satan, not today! I take this opportunity to practice what is said in one of my favourite verses:
2 Corinthians 10:5 (NKJV) casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,
The book of 2 Corinthians 10 has saved my mind in so many ways. Please, read the full chapter if you’re struggling. You can also read Bibi’s blog on How to stop negative thoughts.
Learn your triggers and cut it off!
Say no to explicit sexual songs! When I have a husband we will make a playlist and use it as we carry out the other type of worship lol. You have to be intentional about guarding your mind. It is completely powerful. You must also understand this celibacy is not by your might. But you will do the work you need to.
If you slip and fall, it’s ok! Stand up and keep going. Jesus is not angry you’re already forgiven. Celibacy was not to make you sad. He is protecting you from people undeserving of you in that manner.
Sex is good and great, God created it! But Marriage is the container where sex finds its full and complete expression. It’s much more than body fluids mixing together.
Sex, sensuality and all wonderful stuff have a container to be shared with one's spouse. So you don’t go and attach your life where you shouldn’t because of great sex.
Exist in more honest, open and wholesome friendships.
Find people you can be honest with.
If you can say "Guy I’m horny today oh. To Jesus be my glory." to your friends and talk it out, that's beautiful. Stop existing in interactions with self-righteous people that when you mention I’m horny they’ll say "ha! Go and pray! Open the word it’ll go". When deep down you know that your strong sexual desire is persistent, these words won't help! To satisfy their requests to pray it away, you shy away and tell them you will pray and read the word to quench the sexual desire. But you know deep down that it doesn't help. You maybe feel alone and end up engaging in sexual relations. You may even lie to your friends that the advice to pray and fast worked.
All of these can be avoided if you exist in better interactions. Fiends that talk to you in your vulnerability. Friends that you can be open about when you make a mistake. Friends that will correct you in love and wash you. Friends that will not judge you or be self-righteous.
Exist in better interactions, support systems are key!
An open, honest community! Have them and most importantly be them.
Some sex-related statements debunked!
"Because he/she understands my body"
Sex is learnt, being great at sex comes from practice. It does not come with your body guidance manual! God gave you boundaries to protect you not Himself. He put it there because He loves you not to punish you.
If I tell you how many trash relationships I’ve avoided because I’m celibate? Let's just give thanks to God.
“I’m dating him/her so I can bring her to the gospel”
Jesus said to win souls, yes! He didn’t ask you to date, anybody, to win their soul. Do you want to win someone’s soul? Win it without getting into a relationship with them.
But “I’m dating him/her so I can bring her to the gospel” is a nonsense blatant lie. Stop it!
More about the writer
My name is Selema Enang and I am a 25-year-old personal trainer, nutritionist and author living in the city of Abuja, Nigeria.
I love talking and teaching about Jesus, Fitness, healthy relationships, community and love. I’m passionate about having relatable and practical conversations that cause light to shine on the sometimes dark areas of living as a Saved Christian and bring healing as these conversations are heard.
My podcast link -https://anchor.fm/selema
Connect with me on Twitter - https://twitter.com/selemaenang