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Sex and the Christian Faith

Sex and the Christian Faith 

So last week I volunteered with an NGO called young persons Conscience for Health Initiative. They go around senior and junior secondary schools in rural FCT teaching young children the importance of Abstinence till marriage to enhance academic performance and health. 

This experience was very eye-opening for me in the sense that I understood that nobody is talking about pre-marital sex. If at all they are talking about pre-marital sex, the conversation is based on the fear of unwanted pregnancy and contracting sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV/AIDS, Staphylococci, herpes etc. The talk about unwanted pregnancy and STD's only suggests engaging in pre-marital sex but not getting caught.

Who is really talking to young children about masturbation, homosexuality, pornography, incest, molestation and rape? Parents evade the topic; churches scare people about hell without really diving into this issue. The fear of hell has never stopped anyone from engaging in pre-marital sex; it is not a strong motivation for people to steer clear of sex.

Here are some of the things to know about sex;

Sexual urges are normal: Everyone especially teenagers with raging hormones has sexual urges when they see people that they are attracted to. It will be ridiculous to think that there are no urges. No one is made to pretend like these urges do not exist, however, it is encouraged that we put our flesh under subjection to please God. You are probably thinking, what are practical ways to do this? It is a lot of energy wanting to leave your body; you have to find other ways to let go of that energy. You can put on some music and dance, call a friend of the same sex that is a believer to help you take your mind off it, take a walk/go hang out with people or read your bible. Sometimes you just have to talk to your body and say, “I understand what is happening, but it’s not time yet. I have chosen to please God with my body and that is what I will do”. You also have to watch out for your triggers. Is it naked pictures on social media? Erotic scenes on TV?Provocative conversations? You can intentionally filter your trigger sources to limit exposure. We have to be intentional about what we let in with our senses.

Romans 8:5-8(NIV) Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God

Soul ties: Whether you are religious or none religious, soul ties are very real.  It is a linkage in the soul realm between two people, which can bring negative or positive results depending on the circumstances. God created sex to be a celebration of marriage. In the correct circumstances (marriage), sex performed brings about positive results because it is in accordance to the will of God. When a man knows his wife they become one flesh, they cleave to each other. This helps them build a very healthy, strong and close relationship. 

On the flip side, soul ties can be used for the devil's advantage especially from sex outside marriage. Ever wonder why people still have “feelings” for an ex, which they have been sexual with even years down the line? It is as a result of a soul tie. Not to be hella African but the devil knows how to take advantage of negative soul ties through the transference of spirits. People have spiritual spouses, generational curses, and family problems. These can be easily transferred from one person to another via soul ties formed through pre-marital/extra-marital sex.
A spiritual bond is made during sex; every person you sleep with leaves a part of themselves with you
Sex is like duct tape: No matter how the media tries to normalize pre-marital sex, the truth still holds that people who have sex create a bond. This is not only a spiritual bond, but it is also scientifically proven. Sex is like duct tape, the first tape you use it, it sticks to whomever it touches. If you rip off the duct tape and stick it to someone else, it is not as sticky as before. This is what happens when we pull it loose from one partner to another. Also, ripping the duct tape off is extremely painful i.e breaking a sexual relationship is very painful than a non-sexual one. It is very popular to easily rip off several partners, but will it still stick perfectly when the time comes to finally commit? Science even confirms the duct tape illustration through oxytocin, the love hormone. God's way is the best way irrespective of what is being sold in the media. The union of man and woman is described as "one flesh" for a reason. 

Effects of teaching young adults/teenagers about sex:
  • Confidence: When they know the truth about sex and its serious effects, they are able to live life with confidence and not cave into alternative truth perpetuated by the media and their peers. I know many people evade sex education because they think talking about it will incite doing it. Honestly, the reverse is the case. Knowledge about keeping themselves help them become more confident and confident kids/people perform better in life.
  • Understand their bodies: Many teenagers from hyper-religious backgrounds feel shame and guilt when they begin to experience sexual urges.  This shame and guilt can lead to depression just because they don’t understand their body. We have to let them know that they are not awkward and it happens to everyone.
  • Speak up about abuse and harassment: Many children after the sex talk came up to us to talk about their experience. Some of them shared stories of their brothers raping them, them engaging in consensual sexual activity with their siblings, sexual harassment from their friends and neighbours. The talk was a catalyst to these children sharing what their ordeal is in regards to sex.
  • Learn about sex from a trusted source: When you talk to young adults and teenagers about sex it helps them learn the truth about sex rather than relying on pornographic materials and myths. I have heard of stories where girls gave their first blow job before getting their first kiss because that is the norm they were exposed to.

Matthew 19:5, "And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh."

Genesis 34:2-3, "And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her. And his soul cleaved unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spoke kindly unto the damsel."

Exchange of spirits- Ezekiel 23:17, "And the Babylonians came to her into the bed of love, and they defiled her with their whoredom, and she was polluted with them."
1 Corinthians 6:16-18 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”  But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.  Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.

It is really important for everyone especially young adults to know these things. It is way beyond having babies or diseases; it is very tied to their future and destiny.

It is never too late...

So this is my favourite part of the sex talk. Many of us did not have access to this information about sex and we already engaged in pre-marital or extra-marital affairs. But in Christ, there is no condemnation (Romans 8:1) and there is always redemption and healing. In Jesus you are brand new, a virgin. He cleanses you of all your wrongdoings so you can come into a deeper relationship with him. Don’t be discouraged, in Christ, you become a new creation, not a renovation. He is always waiting for arms wide open.

If you are thinking about the soul ties that have been formed and the duct tape illustration there is a way to break soul ties and get free of spirits. Here is more information on soul ties and how to break them in the teaching on Soul Ties.

If you feel like you are struggling with addiction, pornography, sexual immoralities, masturbation, ungodly thoughts, the solution is in Jesus. The new creation conquers sin by the spirit. The washing of the Word and fellowship with the Holy Spirit is the key to breaking free of such struggles.

If you are determined to stop, you have to be willing to let the Holy Spirit teach you how to work with God. Commit yourself to the word and the spirit and you see your life transform forever.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2 (NKJV) 

With love,


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  1. Hi Abidemi! This is a detailed discourse on an important but seldom discussed topic. Kudos!

    1. Thank you so much. Hopefully, we can talk about this until everyone has a deeper understanding.

  2. Thank you for sharing. I think though, you might wanna harmonize your texts. Varying texts sizes and fonts made reading it tough. But good piece.

    1. Thanks Kaycee, it’s perfect in the draft but comes out weird. I’m looking into it, I promise.

  3. Timely knowledge, thank you for sharing


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