Practical ways to abstain from pre-marital sex
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So a lot of people loved my last blog entry about sex, I am so glad about the positive response I have been getting. As believers, we don’t have to conform to earthly standards because that is what is popular and in style. However, we often find ourselves rationalizing and thinking of wrong things as good because that’s all we are surrounded by and everyone says it is okay. But remember:
Proverbs 14:12 there is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.
Hopefully, you learnt something new or refreshed your memory about sex in my last post, this post will talk about avoiding pre-marital sex in a very practical way. I would not tell you to stop and ask yourself WWJD (What will Jesus do?) The truth is this, in compromising situations you are not working from a place of the spirit but of the flesh. Trust me, you are not stopping to ask yourself What will Jesus do because you are not thinking of Jesus, you are thinking of your "fleshy" desires.
So, how do you abstain from pre-marital sex practically?
I think one major key is making up your mind about abstinence and understanding that Pre-marital sex is not worth it. Treat it as something you never want to engage in. If you leave the idea of pre-marital sex open in your mind, you really have no control over it. So yes, make up your mind that you never want to engage in pre-marital sex.
This is the first and foremost step to practically abstain from pre-marital sex, seal your mind about sex.
I reached out to people to give suggestions on how to practically abstain from pre-marital sex and here are some ideas;
Both parties have to be on the same page: It is dangerous for one party to decide to please God with their body and the other one not really caring. This makes it very difficult because someday pressure will start building and that will make the relationship unhealthy. Before you know it, someone is succumbing to keep the relationship working. Remember, if you have to break the word of God to keep something, it is not God’s will for you.
2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Limit spending alone time together: It is important not to spend too much alone time in private spaces like apartments and rooms. When you around people, you can always self-regulate and ensure things do not go out of hand. That alone time can spark activities that you would not openly engage in when people are around.
Maintain healthy conversations: It is very easy to engage in sexual conversations because those things seem "fun and harmless". The truth is that ideas and seeds are being sown in the mind when you start to talk about the sexual things you want to do to each other. Let your conversations and minds remain focused on pure things.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Pray together and meditate on the word of God together: Both parties in a relationship can intentional take the time to pray together and study the word together. When you spend time on the things of God, you have less time to think of things that are displeasing to God. Prayers can never be over-emphasized! In prayers that is where we get the power to put our flesh under subjection. So yeah, pray that God continually gives you the power both to do what pleases him. Remember, the pressure is on God.
Philippians 2:13 For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him
Understanding that pre-marital sex is very spiritual: Sleeping with one-person means you’re sleeping with everyone they’ve slept with. This does not excuse oral sex. I know people that are keeping themselves for marriage but end up engaging in oral sex because technically “it is not sex”. But newsflash, oral sex is sex.
Colossians 3:5 “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”
Love of God: When we love someone we often listen to their words because we know they have our best interests at heart. The same goes for loving God; the motivation for doing what he says is based on his love. Why would you want to intentionally hurt the only person that saved us from sin and death? Because we love him, we keep his commandments till the very end
John 15:14 “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.
Evaluate the purpose of a relationship before entering one: With our generation, we often feel like close friendships are not enough. We always want to move things to the next level faster than anything. The truth is a relation"ship" is a transportation vehicle to take you to marriage. If you are entering a relationship without the end goal being marriage, why are you in a relationship? Are you in a relationship because you are bored? Lonely? Depressed? A boyfriend or girlfriend can not rid you of all these problems, the relationship you need is with Jesus. It is best to define the purpose of a relationship before getting into it. This reduces distractions and side activities that may lead to pre-marital sex. If you are not ready for married, friendships are enough. A good and strong friendship is just fine.
Songs of Solomon 8:4 (NET Bible) "Do not arouse or awaken love until it pleases!"
I don’t want anybody to be sin conscious and live a life always worrying about sin. We should live a life conscious of our gift of righteousness. We are righteous in Christ! We have put on Christ and we are in good standing with God.
If you have fallen into temptation and engaged in pre-marital sex, get back up! The victory is in standing up. The devil has a way of reminding you of your mess up but guess what? You are still the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. In fact, tell the devil that you are God’s mess and he is moulding you into exactly what he has created you to be. Perfect and Holy!
We are sin-proof! Stand back up! Stand up like nothing ever happened! There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus! (Romans 8:1) We are brand new! Don't let the voices in your head make you feel like second hand, you are brand new! Silence the voices and focus on who you are in christ.
Get back up! Don’t say because I’ve done it once or twice or 100 times, I am no longer good enough for Jesus. That is the lie of the devil, stand back up and return to your original status in Christ. You are holy! You are righteous! You are everything that God is! You are sanctified! You are free from the law of sin and death! You are one with Christ! You are a sweet fragrance unto God! You are redeemed! You have overcome the world! You are a royal priesthood! You are a holy nation! You are complete and perfect!
Get up! You are not a sinner. In Christ you can never be a sinner, Jesus has taken all your sins away. You are a saint who made a mistake and can bounce back to Christ like nothing happened. That is the new creation’s testimony.
“…because as he is so also are we in this world” – 1 John 4:17