Dealing with sexual desire
By Pastor Brume Omoefe
Whether you are a man or woman, dealing with sexual desire is something that you will face at many points in your unmarried life (and then again in different ways through your married life as well). Learning to deal with these desires in a healthy way is a discipline that will last you deep into your married life as well.
Sexuality and sexual desire are a God-given, God-created gift- but how do take the next steps in keeping those gifts from becoming a point of struggle?
What science says...
A study involving 2,035 married participants in an online assessment of marriage called RELATE."Showed the following:
People who waited until marriage:
- Sexual quality - 15% higher than people who had premarital sex
- Relationship stability - 22% higher
- Satisfaction with their relationships - 20% higher
Hebrews 13:4 “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
What the bible says...
- 1 Corinthians 7:2 “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”
- 1 Corinthians 5:1 “It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father's wife.”
- Galatians 5:19-21 “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”
To Christians in a sexually confused culture, Apostle Paul issued this clear order: “Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18). That is, flee from the dangerous enjoyment of sexual pleasure outside of God’s wise design for its enjoyment in marriage.
That brings me to the first practical strategy that I'd love to share about sexual purity:
F.L.E.E. — A Strategy for Pursuing Sexual Purity
F - fill yourself with Christ
- Believe he really is the bread of life: “whoever believes has eternal life. I am the bread of life” (John 6:47-48).
- Fill yourself with his Word: “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God” (Matthew 8:4).
- Fill your life with his people: “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another” (Colossians 3:16)
L - lock out the lies
There is so much seduction out there...Lies about sexual freedom...When and where are you hearing seductive from? How can you getaway? Whatever the cost be it your smartphone, home internet, a relationship—if it helps you see God, it’s a net gain. After all, “it is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire” (Matthew 18:9).
She seizes him and kisses him, and with boldface she says to him . . . “I have perfumed my bed. . . . Come, let us take our fill of love till morning.” . . . With much seductive speech she persuades him. All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter. (Proverbs 7:13-23)
E - exchange lies for truth
The miracle of transformation can only occur when we cut out lies and replace them with the truth. Sometimes the miracle of deliverance never comes until one is caught in the act of wrongdoing
Unsheathe your sword and go on the offensive, rejecting lies and rehearsing truth:
- God is not stingy, but good (Deuteronomy 10:12-13).
- Sinful pleasures are not filling, but fleeting (Hebrews 11:24-26).
- People are not objects, but image-bearers (Genesis 1:27).
- This is not private but reaches heaven and eternity (Psalm 51:4).
- God does not approve of sin because he loves to forgive but forgives to free us from sin (Romans 6:1-2).
- Sexual sin isn’t harmless, but defrauding (1 Thessalonians 4:3-6).
- It will not be easy to turn back, as you are already hardening your heart (Hebrews 3:13).
- This is not inevitable since God provides a way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13).
- Your past does not define you, Christ’s blood does (1 Corinthians 6:11).
E - expose yourself to the light
Exposing yourself to the light is a willingness to be caught all the time. If you fall to sexual sin you will be tempted to hide in the dark and pretend it didn’t happen.
God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. (1 John 1:5-7)
One more principle
Persistent sexual urges are often indicators that tell about two things...our need to connect and our need to protect.
Connect - we are relational beings, sexual desires are rooted in our need for connection. Channel the need to connecting with God and People
Those who isolate themselves from others are far more in danger of sexual sins. How to connect?
- Join a godly team with positive energy, it helps a great deal
- A roommate or flatmate can save the day really
- A healthy friendship
Protect - Excessive sexual urges can also be a sign that we need to protect our minds and heart. I always teach singles about a busy and effective night routine that saves them from the temptation of pornography and fornication.
Its a mix of physical exercise, prayers, music and a study routine... depending on what works for you. But do everything to protect your heart and mind.
- Cut off the wrong friendships
- Throw out the wrong material
- Watching MTV base can start an uncontrollable desire so it's wise to flip the channel
Lastly, I have found a few things that have are very helpful in keeping a prudent sexual life:
- Do abstinence as your act of worship. The Bible says it's our most reasonable service. Romans 12:1
- Worship God with your body. To feel the urges and not use them is a show of sacrifice... Sacrifice is worshipped
- Courage is gained from others who are winning or have won
- The last is to do it with accountability. You will struggle on your own if you try to do it by yourself. It makes the journey worth it for you
You're sanctified in Christ, keep living a sanctified life.